Articulated Introspection

Items of The Moment:

These are random things I decide to put here...Quotes, polls, websites, pictures, etc. They are the items of the moment, I will update it when I have a moment. Smiley face.

Site: The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
News: That's a lot of pie!
Quote: "Perspective is a fascinating thing. It impacts everything. Perspective is not formed in a vacuum. It is the expression of our measure of gratitude."
- Erwin McManus

// 6.01.2006

Would you like cheese with that?

As part of my unannounced, subconscious decision to try and post a little more often...I give you, a true story:

Once upon a time...Oh wait, it's not that kind of story. Um, yeah. Anyway...I was just sitting here at work, minding my own business when a guy comes in to drop off luggage. Why would he be coming in to drop off luggage, you ask? Well, when people fly on airplanes, sometimes their luggage gets lost. And when they stay in our hotel, and their luggage gets lost, a person comes by and drops the luggage off. Makes sense? Okay, well normally, these luggage droppers don't come until like 2-3am or so. Interestingly, this guy came at 12:30am, a little earlier than normal. What was even more interesting was that he was dropping off luggage for four different people! Shocking, I know. How this airline lost the luggage of four people in the same hotel at the same time, is beyond me...Especially considering we have very few people staying here tonight.

This is a great story so far, isn't it? I bet you're enjoying it. Well here's the really cool part...As I'm checking the names (to make sure the owners of the luggage are actually staying here [it has happened before that someone did not check this, and we had luggage for someone who was not here]) and signing the luggage receipts (to say that we received the luggage), this guy asks me if I'd like a double cheese burger. I was like, "um, a double cheese burger?" And he was like, "yeah, I don't like cheese, and they put cheese on it, and I didn't look until after I left." So I was like, "uh, I guess if you're not going to eat it, sure..." So he gave me his double cheese burger, and made some comment about it being partially unwrapped (obviously, since he had to see if it had cheese), but he didn't touch the bun. I thanked him, and told him to have a nice night, and we parted ways. Well...He parted ways; I sat back down in my chair to blog about my free double cheese burger.

And that my friends, is probably one of the coolest posts I have ever written, isn't it? I know, I'm just cool like that. Smiley face. I hope you enjoyed this post, and I hope you have a nice day. Be on the look out for interesting posts in the future...They might even top this uber-cool post. We'll see.

// 5.24.2006

Hang On...

Thanks to ZJAM and their daily bible study for sending out a very appropriate study for today. Have a read:

"For you will not leave my soul among the dead or allow your godly one to rot in the grave."
        - Psalm 16:10
Not too long ago I heard a true story of a man who accidentally fell out of an airborne plane. As he fell out, he managed to somehow grab a bar, and hang on until the pilot got the plane turned around and landed. Thankfully, this man didn't let go of that bar and fall to his death. He held on so tight to the bar, his fingers needed to be pryed off.

I think our faith has to be like the hands of this man at times, holding onto God's promises and trusting Him. There will be problems in life for sure, but if we hold tightly to the fact that God is with us and for us, we won’t fall. We must hold onto the Truth for dear life, even when He doesn't seem close to us, or when we have no idea what God is doing, and His leading doesn’t seem best.

In Romans 5:3-5, God tells us we can rejoice in the middle of trials. Why would we do that? Because we know that God is working something good in our lives, to perfect us and get us expectant to receive all the wonderful things He has for us. Even when it seems like things are hopeless, God won't let you go to the grave. He hasn't forgotten about you nor will He abandon you. Will you believe the truth and trust Him today? Will you hang on until He safely ‘lands’ you? You can trust him!

- Bible Study by Samuel, of ZJAM Youth Ministries

Please pray...There are a number of people in great need of prayer, wisdom, grace, and guidance right now. Myself included. Feel free to pass this post around...These people need to hear it. That's all I have to say for the moment.

// 3.25.2006

I think I might cry.


I'm being overdramatic. But I'm really bummed. Smiley face.

...I'll be ok. It's really quite petty. I had the coolest post ever typed up, and it died. Normally I'm psycho about saving stuff every five seconds, but for some reason I only half-saved it, which doesn't count I guess. So yeah, got pretty mad about it. It was a cool post. Ramble ramble.

Here's a joke for you all. It relates. Some of you may have heard it already. Still funny though.

Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.

They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.

He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."

"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."

Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.

He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"

God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."

// 3.18.2006

Up on a mountain...

I went hiking last weekend. It was beautiful. I'll put pictures up soon, and they are awesome. So check back soon. I'm at work right now...6:30 A.M. I wonder where eight hours go? They always go so quickly. It's finally spring break. I just wish it were more of a break. I have so much to catch up on. Mainly Chemistry. I had a huge writer's block for at least a week, right before my first English paper was due. It was not good. I spent all of my time trying (very unsuccessfully) to spark something. I finally broke it (thanks to my wonderful teacher's advice), and I think the essay turned out pretty good. Pray that I get an A. Smiley face. But anyway, because of that, I did not work on Chemistry at all. So I am a little behind. It's really not that bad though. I only have a little over one chapter to do by the end of spring break. But that is the teacher's deadline. My goal was much loftier...And yet, attainable. I just didn't do anything. So that will be a large portion of my break...Working on Chemistry. I also have to have a draft done by the 27th for my second English essay. Between those things, I'm trying to spend a little time with friends (who I don't get to see very often, who I want to see like, daily)...And a little time organizing things. I've gotten so much better at organization since last year, it's crazy. I've been able to waste a lot more time than I did last year. It's kind of silly. A major weakness of mine before was a lack of organization...Now its procrastination. So all that extra time I got by becoming organized, I threw away doing pointless, useless things. Smiley face. Oh I frustrate myself sometimes. I need to work on that. But yes, anyway, as I was saying...As far as I've come with organization, I know I can do better, so I'm going to try to work on that a little. And try to bust my procrastination habit. Smiley face.

I'm so sad; I don't get to go to youth Sunday. It's going to be like the first time we've had a "regular" youth meeting in a long time. It will also be the first time I haven't gone in a long time. What's that? Oh, you want to know why? (Pause....Okay, sorry, it got busy and I had to leave work. Now I am at home...Unpause) Because I am going to a conference of some sort. I'm not really sure what it is. Oh well. Smiley face. But yeah, we are leaving shortly after church, and we won't return until late Monday night. I am sure it will be good; I am looking forward to it. I just wish I didn't have to miss youth for it. It makes me sad. Wow, so that post was pretty boring. Who wants some pictures to make it more interesting? Me too. So here we go...These are from hiking last week.

The sweet sky as it got dark.
The sweet sky as it got dark.
Hannah on the edge, looking out.
Hannah on the edge, looking out.

Check out the view...
Check out the view...
In a couple of these...
In a couple of these...

Isn't it amazing?
Isn't it amazing?
Mmm, mountain.
Mmm, mountain.

A sweet tree I took a picture of out the window as we drove by.
A sweet tree I took a picture of
out the window as we drove by.
Another sweet tree.
Another sweet tree.

Zach being cool.
Zach being cool.
Hannah in a 'hobbit hole.'
Hannah in a 'hobbit hole.'

Hannah and Tiffany...Check out that sky.
Hannah and Tiffany...Check out that sky.
Such a pretty sunset...
Such a pretty sunset...

Hannah is in awe.
Hannah is in awe.
Tiffany with the sunset as a backdrop.
Tiffany with the sunset as a backdrop.

The amazing sunset.
The amazing sunset.
Black & white sunset.
Black & white sunset.

This is what the sunset looks like if you are a dead log, looking up through a crooked tree.
This is what the sunset looks
like if you are a dead log,
looking up through a crooked tree.
Isn't that just absolutely beautiful?
Isn't that just absolutely beautiful?

I hope you enjoyed that. The hiking was quite enjoyable for me. Landon, Josh R, Hannah B, and Keith also went. But sadly, I did not get pictures of them. My sister has a bunch of other pictures if you want to see more. Some of them I took, so check those out too. Maybe over break, if I get a lot of Chemistry done, I'll post again sometime soon. Smiley face.

Number One Gun - Promises for the Imperfect  Currently Listening To:
  Promises for the Imperfect
  By Number One Gun

// 3.04.2006

What's this thing for again?

So I haven't really talked about me in a while...So I decided I'd do a little update on me. A lot has changed...I'm in my second semester of college(!), it's quite exciting. There have been a lot of other changes, but none I wish to go in to, or can think of right now.

A lot is still the same...Staying empty is so much easier said than done; I'm still not who I want to be; and I still don't like money. Smiley face.

The story I posted back in October last year was written by me for College Composition I. It was the first real essay I'd ever written. And yes, I meant to end it abruptly. My teacher said good essays leave you thinking, and based on your comments, I think I accomplished that. Smiley face.

So this hasn't been a very good update...Sort of half-hearted. Sorry about that. I'm somewhat annoyed; there have been people in the lobby here at work all night, just sitting around talking. I really have no reason to complain, they haven't bothered me, and they have every right to be here. It's just annoying because I was unable to do anything that required some level of conscious thought (in other words...I couldn't concentrate with them talking), like the mounds of homework I need to catch up on. So I decided to do something mindless with a little bit of my time, like update this! Smiley face. I lost my coat. Oh dear. Anyway, I get off of work soon so I should be departing...Perhaps sometime soon I'll put a little more thought into an update. I do really enjoy writing on here, and I have lots of cool ideas...It's mainly a lack of time, sadly. But alas, I shall really end my rambling now. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

P.O.D. - Testify  Currently Listening To:
  By P.O.D.

// 2.23.2006

The Johari Window

I'd appreciate your input.

For those of you who have never seen one of these...Simply pick five or six of the words that you think best describe me, then enter your name and click submit. You can create your own too.

Thanks, to those of you who do it.

// 2.14.2006

Valentine's Day

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep
soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But I say, no, be patient. Not until you are satisfied and fulfilled and
content with being alone, with gluing yourself totally and unreservedly to
me, will you be ready to have the intensely personal and unique
relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with
another or anyone else exclusive of any other desires or longings.

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you the
most thrilling plan existing, one that you cannot imagine. I want you to
have the best. Please allow me to bring it to you. You just keep watching
me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that
I am. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. Just wait, don't
be anxious. Don't worry.

Don't look around at the things others have got, or that I have given
them. Don't look at the things you think you want. Just keep looking to
me, or you will miss what I want to show you. And then, when you are
ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you
could dream of.

You see, until you are ready and until the one I have ready for you is
ready, I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same
time. Until you are both exclusively with me and the life I have prepared
for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplified your
relationship with me, and is thus perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want to see
in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me and to enjoy
materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and
love that I offer you with Myself.

Know that I love you utterly. Believe it! And be satisfied.

For you,
Love, Jesus

In your Spiritual Journal:
-- Read Matthew 6:32-34. Where does the Lord say your focus should be?
According to this verse, what should be your number one priority? What do
these verses imply about the concept of having to "find" a relationship?
Can we trust God to bless us with Godly relationships in His perfect
timing? If so, what's the condition we must follow in order for Him to
work in our dating lives in this mannor? (see verse 33)

(Taken from a daily bible study called "NeXT STeP," by ZJAM.)

// 1.13.2006

Lest I Forget...

Yes, I know that You have paved a path for me
Yes, I know that You see what I do and don’t need
But when it comes to the deepest things
I have a hard time relinquishing control
Letting go

God, it hurts to give You what I must lay down
But when I let go, freedom’s found
God, it hurts to give You what I’ve held so dear
Because of Your love it’s clear
I can trust You with this
I can trust You with me
I can trust You

Lord, I know that You are worthy of my trust
For You have shown me time and time again
You’re faithful and yet
I’m so scared of letting go of this
Afraid of what You might do with it
How could I forget who You are like this

Me forsaking
Heart is breaking
I let go of what I’ve held so tight
Freedom’s mine now
For the taking
I move in faith, not by sight
Let Your will be done

I, I sit in silence here
I’m filled with wonder once again
I’m overwhelmed by Your beautiful love
Now I, I’m falling to my knees, so grateful for the grace You give
The love I need I’ve found in You

Lest I forget
All of Your goodness
The blood You have shed
The cross I now remember
Lest I forget

Lord, You wept tears of blood for me
You hung in agony so deep
Carried my sin away for good
Now I, I take this bread and wine
Remembering Your love divine
You walked through fire to free my soul

Lord, You wept tears of blood for me
Carried my sin away for good
Walked through the fire to free my soul
I sit in silence here
The cross I now remember
Lest I now forget

Rebecca St. James - If I Had One Chance To Tell You Something  Currently Listening To:
  If I Had One Chance To Tell You Something
  By Rebecca St. James

// 10.01.2005

The Twelve Days of Roll Call

I walked into the cold, dreary room hearing the light hum of electronics as I eyed the chairs arranged neatly around the rows of computers. Walking slowly, I examined the seating arrangement debating which chair to select as my own. I noticed the faces of several other people who had already made their selections, watching out of the corner of their eye with a look that proclaimed they didn’t know me, and didn’t care to. I felt anxious, and alone. Is there anyone who isn’t cold and distant, anyone who will want to be my friend? It seemed unlikely, as more students trickled into the classroom with the same distant look on their faces. I watched them closely, my eyes anxiously avoiding theirs as they ambled toward their seats.

Today is the first day of college, and being home schooled my whole life; this would be my first day of “real” school. I restlessly awaited the arrival of our instructor, wondering what kind of personality he would bring. Footsteps; I heard them behind me as I sat facing the whiteboard. I casually swiveled the chair I was sitting in towards the door, and I saw a tall, lanky man with dark hair and glasses walking briskly towards the front of the class, dragging behind him a small travel suitcase on wheels. The eyes of all the students in the room followed him toward the front, wondering what we were all about to find out. What kind of person is he? Reaching his destination at the front of the classroom, he lifted the suitcase onto the table and opened the cover. Appearing to ignore the students in the room, he intently removed a stack of papers from the suitcase he was toting and arranged them on the table.

As he finished arranging his papers, he looked up, and spoke slowly and deliberately.
“Good morning, my name is George Walters*.” As he continued to speak, he detailed what the class was about, and began listing his credentials and past teaching experience; as if validating his place at the front of the classroom.
“Now it’s time for the fun part,” he proclaimed with a bit of flair. “We’re going to call roll,” he paused, as if expecting a response. “It’s kind of like the twelve days of Christmas.” He stated with the hint of a wry grin on his face.
Intrigued, my mind probed the possibilities of what he had meant. I was going to find out soon, as he began calling names.
I scanned the room and found him, hand raised, sitting behind me and to the right.
“It’s good to meet you Adam.” The instructor said, smiling as he memorized Adam’s face. “Everyone, this is Adam.”
Beth’s hand rose timidly in the corner of my eye.
“Hi Beth, have you met Adam?” said the instructor with a lighthearted tone.
Beth smiled shyly.
“Beth and Adam,” “Adam and Beth…” The instructor repeated thoughtfully.
I glanced at my fellow students around the room; they all remained silent but seemed attentive; intrigued by this instructor who seemed so peculiar.
Continuing onward, the instructor called the next name. “Megan.”
I found Megan, hand raised, two seats behind me.
“Megan, this is Beth and Adam” the instructor stated profoundly. “Now we have Adam, Beth and Megan.”
A few minutes later, we had several more names. The instructor listed them with ease. “Adam, Beth, Justin, Megan, Keith, and Rocky…We’ve almost got bingo over here in this row.”
I could see the amusement on the faces of the students around me.
The instructor continued on at a pace like that of a turtle crossing dangerous terrain, slowly and carefully proceeding forward at a steady pace. He kept adding names, shuffling the order around, and stating the obvious in a way that was amusing, yet intriguing. I watched in amazement as the cold, distance faces of those students around me were transformed into bright, smiling faces, warm like the glow of the sun on your skin. Every person in that class room now had a name to go with their face.

Now confident he knew every student’s name, the instructor began naming each and every one of the names on that roll sheet as his eyes darted about the room with ease, landing on the face of the student whom the name belonged to. He smiled defiantly, and asked if anyone else wanted to give it a try. I nervously raised my hand, and stood up, turning to face the rest of the class. Looking back at me, were not just a random bunch of students I didn’t know…But a group of friends, smiling back at me with warmth and care, with a look of sincere curiosity, raising the question “can I name them all?” I carefully eyed each person in the classroom, timidly saying their name as I looked upon them. I stumbled slightly with a few of them, but in the end, I succeeded. Sitting back down in my chair, I wondered how this man, without saying much at all, took this class of cold, apathetic students, and transformed them into a warm bunch of friends who cared. Was it only me who felt such a transformation that first day? Sadly, I will never know; I had to withdraw from that class the very next day.

*name changed.

// 9.30.2005

Begin anticipation.

A new post is coming...

...Maybe even two.